Mavis

By Rachael A. Cook

Please do not cry for me when I am gone,

Just know I will be in the arms of my family including my only daughter, Karen and my only love Tom.

Lately I haven’t recognized my home as a place,

Peoples names or even the reflection of my own face.

This cruel disease has stripped me of my mind,

Not being able to remember the present,

Yet living each day in behind.

I have sobbed each day not strong enough to stand,

But I have remained in my home with summer and you holding my hand.

I couldn’t see to my basic needs,

My pride and lack of self-dignity has had me on my knees.

It has been an effort to drink, eat or swallow,

Stripping my body of fat and turning me hollow.

This is no way to be,

For the people who really knew me.

My body became tired, my mind became weak,

I Found myself needing more and more sleep.

The hallucinations haunted me,

Both when I was awake and whilst I was asleep.

I do not mean the words that I say,

They must come across in such a hurtful way.

I love you, I hate you – there was no in between,

This is purely the disease and not the true me.

I get stroppy and curse, but I don’t remember these times,

So please just take it all in your stride.

I can ask the same question a million times,

Though I won’t remember your answer in two minutes time.

It’s torment, its cruel and I wish it would go,

Instead I’m here seeing people I don’t even know.

I lay my head against your chest and whimper whilst you cradle me like a baby,

My words are all mumbled but you make out the important ones – please, please don’t leave me.

I wrap my tiny hand around your finger, your fighting back tears with memories of the good times,

Memories made and shared over the past ten years.

Did I ever imagine your face would be the last face I would see,

No nor did you and certainly not me.

You made me a promise to be there until the end,

You knew I was going and stayed up all night.

Hearing that rattle and sensing the calm,

You held me whilst I took my last breath in your arms.

My time had come to the end,

I was finally free of the torment.

I regained the knowledge of myself and whilst you wept the good lord welcomed me,

with all my loved ones I have waited so long to see.

Please remember me for how I was and not what I became,

Remember happy times I shared with you and the love that I gave.

Please do not weep just know that I at peace now,

Deep in sleep.